Gender Bias in the Construction Industry

These brave pioneers are literally surrounded by patriarchalism.

World famous attorney Chaucer Sanders has been retained by famous mommy blogger and part time construction worker Olive Rae Williams in her gender discrimination lawsuit against the entire construction industry. Mr. Chaucer Sanders gained his prominent standing in the legal community by successfully suing Mr. Rogers for breach of contract based on the song “Won’t You Be My Neighbor.” The song states that Mr. Rogers has always wanted “you” for a neighbor. Mr. Sanders claimed that if that were true, Mr. Rogers would’ve bought the house next door to the famed lawyer’s sprawling Spunkypuddle, OH mansion. Mr. Sanders, who, incidentally, owned the house for sale, claimed that he believed that Mr. Rogers’ stated desire to be his neighbor combined with the television host’s financial ability to make it happen, constituted a verbal contract to be, in fact, Mr. Sanders’ neighbor. The court ruled in favor of the legal eagle, and Mr. Rogers was forced to buy the house. Mrs. Williams is counting on the famed legal acumen of Mr. Sanders to once again rule the day in court, and bring justice to women who have suffered at the hands of the construction industry.

A Coming Out Story: I Am a Transathlete

Note from the Editors: The following is an open letter from Jonathan Aristophanes. We, the editors of Snipes, want to commend our friend Jonathan for his courage in coming out. We pledge our full support, and intend to use our voice to bring awareness to those like Jonathan who are forced to live in a false identity. We also pledge to help raise funds to help pay for Jonathan’s legal fees as he pursues the needed recourse to be able to live life as who he really is.

Dear society,

I want to be like Mike because I am like Mike.

I vividly remember the day that Michael Jordan made his switch-handed shot against the LA Lakers in the NBA Finals. His Airness brought me out of my seat in astonishment. But I immediately collapsed back onto the couch in tears; that moment was a painful reminder that society doesn’t allow me to be who I actually am. You see, I identify as a pro basketball player, but because of a society’s bigoted focus on my physical limitations, limitations that don’t reflect who I really am, I am forced to live a lie. I am a transathlete.

The Chemtrail and Vaccine Connection!!!

Whom are they kidding? It’s obvious that something is up.

Here at Snipes, our hearts are always gladdened whenever the bright, young minds of today take a vocal interest in the worries and concerns of our crumbling society. We do wish, however, that those bright, young minds would dig a little deeper before tweeting about issues. Misinformation, while at times helpful, can become the endgame in the pursuit of truth. This is what happened last week with the understandable concerns about chemtrails.

The Zombie Apocalypse is Here!!!

In 2014, scientists made a shocking discovery that has since brought terror to that small band of brave academics. While exploring the Greater Mekong region in hopes of uncovering new plant and animal species, the scientist discovered a wasp that the rest of the world is soon going to wish had remained undiscovered. At first, the group was excited to find the Ampulex Dementor, a wasp that turns its prey into a zombie with one sting. It wasn’t until after their astounding findings had been published that the scientists’ excitement turned to abject horror!

Small Bakery Bakes a Fresh Batch of Bigotry and Hate

The Snipes Board of Directors determined from the very beginning that our little website was going to be a place of acceptance, inclusivity, and love. Our company’s charter forbids the use of discriminatory and potentially offensive language. And we’ve attempted to have diversity in hiring, but, to this point, have been unable to find any woman willing to work with us; unfortunately, we remain a sausage party.

Budweiser and Hipsters

Hipsters are never that un-ironically happy; they have the Budweiser to thank.

During the third quarter of the Super Bowl, Budweiser aired an ad that struck a nerve with craft beer snobs. The ad’s intent was clearly designed to validate those people whose reasons for drinking beer include gulping, shot gunning, and funneling. An artistically accomplished ad on par with the best of Thomas Kinkade, that Budweiser ad made herd mentality cool again. For the first time since before Arcade Fire won the Album of the Year Grammy for The Suburbs, hipsters felt left out of a cultural touchstone.

VACCINE HOAX!!!

We believe that there is another and better answer besides “yes” or “no.”

During the early years of the 18^th Century, a group of Social Scientists masquerading as Biologists, Chemists, and Apothecaries, led by Lady Mary Wortley Montagu, had several meetings at secret locations in New England; locations that had been scouted out by Jonathan Edwards. The purpose of these clandestine meetings was to put the wheels into motion for a grand social experiment that was designed to test the levels of human credulity, bonds of friendship, and herd mentality. Partially the brainchild of John Arbuthnot, this grand social experiment was finally brought to fruition and sprung into motion by the tireless efforts of Lady Montagu.

Girl Scout Cookie Season Discrimination

Truth in advertising would insist on the sign being changed to “Discrimination Season.”

This time of year is a season filled with dread, fear, and intense stress for the quiet, unassuming and scared people who don’t like Girl Scout cookies. Those who dislike the bland, over-hyped Girl Scout cookies are able to spend most of the year under the safe umbrella of anonymity. But, once this time of year rolls around, tensions begin to rise with each passing day for those who recognize that the Thins Mints are mostly tasteless facsimiles of Keebler Grasshopper cookies. Every trip to the store, every church service, and every interaction with your niece, next door neighbor’s eleven year old daughter, and co-workers who are violating H.R. rules and shilling, on company time, boxes of dried, crumbling cookie-like cookies for the Girl Scout in their lives are all moments threatening to unmask the societal unacceptable Girl Scout cookie dislike.