Is Penn Holderness Headed to Broadway?

The rumormongers are back to their underhanded shenanigans, and viscous rumors are once again flying about Penn Holderness, the lovable patriarch of America’s favorite pajama clad, singing family! Not wanting to have any part or parcel of rumormongering, we at Snipes have decided to post a refutation of this reputation damaging rumor. To that end, we are happy to state, for the record, that Penn Holderness, the huggable head of the harmonizing clan of pajama clad cadre of carolers, is NOT headed to Broadway!

Hoax Alert: Facebook Cracking Down on Fake News Stories

A supposed news story broke yesterday out of the Facebook headquarters that the company is going to begin cracking down on fake news stories. According to the Yahoo report, “The company said it had introduced an option to allow Facebook users to flag a story as ‘purposefully fake or deceitful news’ to reduce the distribution of news stories reported as hoaxes.” This change in Facebook policy would supposedly cut down on the spread of rumors like proof of the moon landing, Obama’s Hawaiian birth certificate, and Penn Holderness’ death in a playhouse fire. However, in a modern twist on Epimenides, we at Snipes have confirmed that this report is a hoax. 

Fox News Merges With The Onion

Impressed by the level of reporting and truth-telling consistently demonstrated by Fox News, The Onion has reached out with an offer to combine forces. Inside sources, specifically Chaucer Sanders, part-time gaffer for “Happening Now,” tell us that the muckety-mucks at Fox News have reached an agreement with The Onion to create the largest, single most trusted news source in the Western world.

Did Penn Holderness Die in a Playhouse Fire?

The individual who created this should be ASHAMED of himself!

Very few things scream Christmas like The Christmas Shoes, elf on the shelf, and the Holderness Family Christmas Card; and our readers know how much the Snipes Team loves things that scream Christmas. Every year, with visions of sugar plums dancing to the throbbing beat of our fruitcake and eggnog induced headaches, we at Snipes anxiously await the release of the Holderness Family Christmas Card. The most joyous of all seasons is not complete until we are hit in the feels with the release of the singing Christmas card from what is now the prime example of the wholesome American family (step aside, Obama family). In fact, the Snipes Team, after reading aloud THE Christmas story from Jean Parker Shepherd, watches the latest Holderness Family Christmas Card before exchanging gifts on Christmas morning.